Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
