i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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