We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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