Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
