I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
