She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
