thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
