so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
