Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
