So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
