i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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