I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
