i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The adults are the big ones right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize