I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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