when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
