Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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