Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
