It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
