Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
