just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
