I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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