Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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