Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
