What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
