I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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