If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
