Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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