My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
