babies were throwing up all over the place
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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