Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me too!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
