I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
