And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
