I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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