Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
