girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
