hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
