I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
