Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He shit in the fireplace
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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