I puked a lego.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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