there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
