I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
