i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
