Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
