i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
