If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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