Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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