I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
