Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
