she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
