So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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